No Words Needed

Her stupidity says it all...

Killadelphia

In honor of my buddy Girl From Park Heights' recent visit to my current place of residence, I've decided to take a little time to enlighten the blogging public as to why Philadelphia should be known as the "City of Brotherly Hate" henceforward.

This past Friday, as I reposed in my mother's living room (in lovely Upper Marlboro, MD), I checked news stories online only to discover frightening news -- a 15 year-old boy got shot. Normally, this wouldn't have troubled me any more than any other shooting in this trigger-happy city... but do you know why he got shot? Yup, you guessed it -- he accidentally hit a guy with a snowball. A snowball.

Last time I checked, snowball fights were the shit on those lovely days when classes fell victim to the elements... the problem is, I didn't know that was a good enough reason to become the next gunshot victim.

Apparently, the snowballee took great offense to this "injustice" and confronted the youth. In typical brazen teenage fashion, the young man returned the favor verbally -- which naturally just further incensed the gentleman. Instead of chalking it up to youthful indiscretion, the man warned the teen that he'd be back for him. The mother of one of the teen's friends advised him to remain indoors and refrain from any further verbal discourse. Of course, the teen didn't listen and went back outdoors. The friend's mother claims that as soon as she noticed he'd left, she opened the front door just in time to see him fall from being SHOT IN THE FACE AT POINT-BLANK RANGE.

Did you bother to click the link? If not, allow me to summarize: The boy died the next day at Temple University Hospital after his family decided to remove him from life support. Now, I understand that the kids in this city are bold, fresh, smart-mouthed sons-of-bitches... but WHY on EARTH did he have to kill the boy? Granted, the boy should've shut his damn mouth -- or better yet, apologized -- but that absolutely does not make it okay to kill him. I'm sorry. As bad as my road rage is and as many people as I've wanted to strike down in my lifetime, I've rarely heard of a crime so heinous. I'm thoroughly disgusted.

Let the countdown to my Philadexodus(TM) begin...

Not-So-Lean Cuisine

"Man kills, cooks and possibly eats girlfriend, police say"

This story was just so wrong on so many levels that I don't even know where to begin, but I just felt the need to address it -- so I'll give it the old college try.

On Saturday, January 5, 2008, a 25 year-old Texan male allegedly called 911 and advised an emergency dispatcher that he had murdered his 21 year-old girlfriend... and was BOILING her body parts at his mom's house. When the cops arrived, they stumbled upon a horrific scene right out of your favorite (not-so-scary) horror flick:

"When authorities arrived at the home, they found Shearer's mutilated body, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove and a fork sticking out of some human flesh sitting on a plate on the kitchen table."

Wow. This kind of shit happens in real life? What the fuck is wrong with this dude? To make things worse, he allegedly stabbed the boyfriend of his estranged wife a few days prior. I don't care what anybody says: people like that just don't get better... they just get lobotomized by psychiatric meds. Worse yet, I fear that all the defense will have to do is paint a picture of a mentally disturbed man (how else could you possibly commit such a heinous, atrocious crime against another human?) and get him off easy.

Normally, I'm not an "eye for an eye" kind of guy... but this dude deserves to be Kentucky-fried with all of the Colonel's secret spices and a splash of mambo sauce for good measure.

Random thought: Does it upset anyone else that he may have eaten some of her? Even if he didn't, the fact that the authorities cannot definitively rule it out as a possibility (a piece of flesh on a plate with a fork in it can raise a few eyebrows) perturbs me to a degree. I don't care to see a Hannibal Lecter copycat -- I had enough once I saw him sample Ray Liotta's frontal lobe, thank you very much.

I say throw a REALLY big book at this dude (e.g., the Encyclopedia Brittanica) and make it part of his sentence to read it word-for-word, page-for-page -- he looks like he'll die trying anyway.