Auto-Tune Is Officially Dead

One of Jay-Z's kindest acts was to go on a personal crusade to stop everybody from using auto-tune -- or at least, write one song about it. What was once an occasional commodity, made popular by Zapp & Roger Troutman (and later, Teddy Riley), became a crutch for talentless buffoons and lazy singers to effortlessly modulate the pitch of their vocals. What was once cool, became more annoying than waiting for 3 hours at the DMV, only to be told that you were in the wrong line.

Unfortunately, he rapped in vain as artists continued to abuse the application like musical meth addicts... that is until NOW.

Flavor Flav must have caught wind of Jay-Z's plight & decided to offer his help by single-handedly eradicating any desire to even hear that word again. He has created something so powerful, that some have been rendered sterile within seconds. So, I'm hereby challenging you, the reader to take a gander. Take a look at this masterpiece -- and I dare you not to shed a tear.

Without further ado, I present to you:

FLAVOR FLAV - "I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO"



Happy new year... bitches.

Random Song of the Week: 8/2/09

I'm back after a week off! I spent a little time up in Toronto for one of my best friend's bachelor parties. Have I ever told you before how much I love that city? Allow me to do so now.

I FUCKING LOVE TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA. What a great city! This was proof that my trip there last year was far from a fluke. The people, the parade, the parties, the food, the landscape -- everything... I just wish I could take all of my friends there for one good weeekend.

Anyway, after a nice long weekend in heaven, I was in the mood to cool out... so I present to you my song of the week for 8/2: "A Long Walk" by Jill Scott.

Enjoy... and I challenge you to NOT nod your head & sing along!

February 14th

I kinda hate Valentine's Day. By that, I mean I hate what it stands for today. Do I sound like a bitter man, tired of roaming the ranks of solitude? Probably... but the truth is I'm very much the opposite -- I really just don't like this day. It has become a day of self-loathing for single women and overdue, overdone celebration of love for those in relationships. I don't know about you, but relationships are like plants -- I believe that you must prune, feed and water them with relative consistency in order for them to flourish. Personally, I don't know too many couples that thrive on a once annual celebration of love (although a strong argument could be made for anniversaries -- oh wait... most men allegedly don't even remember it in the first place, do they? That's for another day...)

Having a hard time coping with the red & pink bonanza today? Here's my personal advice for surviving this whole wacky thing:

* Couples: Make every day V-day. Well, not literally -- you can't be expected to lavish him/her with luxurious gifts and gestures on a quotidian basis. What I mean is, show him/her every day in some way how you feel. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to perform on February 14th just because society tells you that it is the one day you should go all out. Why not do it on a random Thursday just because you feel like it? I'm the type to buy flowers while I'm out grocery shopping on a Saturday afternoon -- simply because the mood strikes me. It is uncouth to think that one can reserve all shows of affection for one of 365 days per year (not to mention that stubborn leap day). Good days and bad -- make an earnest effort to ensure that your significant other never has to wonder: "Does s/he still love me?" It's always hard to get back to a "good place" once it gets to that point... so if you truly care, don't let that happen.

* Singles: This one is especially for the single ladies out there... but PLEASE stop putting so much value in this day! I acknowledge that not ALL single women feel this way, but there is such a large populace of scorned, bitter women that reveal themselves once per year that it needed to be said. I understand that it's not always fun being single (debatable, but alas -- that's for another day), but why should you allow this one day to raise your distaste to the nth degree? Is it because Hallmark told you that you should be getting a card today? Is it because Godiva moves units like Eminem and Nelly circa 2001? Is it because every florist known to mankind hauls in 10x more receipts on this day than any other this year? Please... it's a joke. Single or not, you are who you are -- and as long as you aren't a bad person, then your time will come. Please don't sit around scarfing down Chunky Monkey or Rocky Road, watching "Sleepless in Seattle" with a box of Kleenex(TM) at your side. There are so many things about which to rejoice that it doesn't make sense to get all depressed on such an artificial day of celebration.

Well, that about wraps up my advice for this year. For those of you celebrating, please don't take this as reprimand or a suggestion that you scale it back. I'll admit that despite my better judgment, women love this day and I go along with it when necessary (which will be forever at this point). If you want to do any and everything to make your woman happy today, then by all means be my guest... I just hope that today isn't the only day you'll make an honest effort to show her how you feel about her.

Happy Make-All-The-Florists-Hallmark-Stores-And-Chocolatiers-Rich Day. May you take from it whatever you wish. Just don't go doing anything stupid like jumping off a bridge -- because I, for one, will most certainly NOT jump in after you.