Monday, December 17, 2007

I Hate New England

*If you're from the New England area, please avert your eyes now. It's the only way to protect yourself from what I'm about to do... however -- if you're offended, you probably deserve it.*

You read the title correctly. I despise New England. I hate the climate. I hate all the fresh air. I hate the indigenous people and their clammy stench -- they reek of condescension. It's a place where stomach-turning cockiness (disguised as bravado) and fair-weather fans abound. Where else can a team win a title and still have a chip on its shoulder? I thought Philly was ridonkulous with its "What have you done for me lately?" mentality... but these guys absolutely take the cake -- and proceed to over-bake it and coat it with black licorice-flavored icing.

Not that I haven't always despised New Englanders, but I was reading the Sports Guy's mailbag and came across this reader submission that completely rattled my cage:
Q: While visiting one of our friends in Boston this past weekend, a few of my college buddies and I spent Saturday getting hammered at various bars near Fenway. When we called it a night, we took the T back to the Maverick station, a trip that included half of the train spontaneously singing "Don't Stop Believing." When we got off the train, we decided to step into this bar called Eddie C's, a dive with none other than Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap. When we got inside, we encountered a few regulars with the strongest accents imaginable, who asked us if we were Sox fans. We aren't, which was fine by them, until my friend Tommy proclaimed his allegiance to the Yankees. They all gasped immediately, and one of them shouted, while smiling ear to ear, "... let's tie him to a tree!!!" He proceeded to reach into his jacket and, I kid you not, pulled out a 12-foot rope. We went outside and my friend was, yes, tied to a tree, complete with some road cones. The scene was unbelievable. We decided to leave when the same guy showed us his knife and said that he could cut some more rope if we needed it.
-- John, Washington, D.C.

Really? This kind of stuff happens up north? Was it supposed to be a cruel joke or prank? Oddly enough, I'm not laughing. Boston, once widely regarded as a hotbed of racism (and still is regarded as such, depending on who you ask), is the nucleus of it all... The Boston Celtics (NBA), The New England Patriots (NFL), The Boston Red Sox (MLB), The Boston Bruins (NHL)... the list goes on. In recent years, the region has taken home division and league championships from most significant competitive sports -- yet still acts like there is something to prove. Look no further than every single one of Bill Belicheck's press conferences this year.

Rarely has an entire region tried so hard to justify everything wrong that they do and piss on our faces when things go right -- without having the courtesy to hand us a Kleenex(TM). If Tom Brady committed mass genocide, I assure you that the whole of New England would jump up to defend him -- probably citing the mental stress created by throwing touchdown after touchdown as justification. I'm sick of all the excuses and I'm even sicker of the bragging... and I won't even get started on the 4th down conversion attempts.

So let me tell you something, you "chowdah" eatin', "shahp" dressin' "Hahvahd" educated, "wicked ahsome", "pahty" animal, "beeyah" swillin', smug, arrogant little prick bastards -- I don't like you. Most of America doesn't like you. Is it because you're winning right now? Not at all. Most of us still like the Cowboys, the Bulls, the 49ers, the Lakers, the Pistons, etc. Wanna know why? Because their fans are generally gracious winners. They don't shit on the sidewalk and try to rub our faces in it. One day soon, you'll get your comeuppance... but then again, maybe I don't want to see that happen -- all it will do is motivate you to go on another 85 year bitchin'-spree about how your teams never win.

Who am I kidding? I'd die a happy man.

Suck it, New England. Suck it.

52 comments:

Your Friendly Neighborhood Skeptic said...

LMAO, damn dude. That was fire. Yo, I don't know any New England/Boston fans personally but something tells me I don't want to.

As you well know, I have a penchant for frontrunning, however I can't recall ever openly rooting for a Boston team for any extended period of time. Right now I'm pulling for KG, Ray Ray, and P2, but not for the Celtics somehow. Go figure.

Here's where it can get dicey though. When the Sox play the Yanks in a meaningful series, which franchise is more hated?

Not Your Average Male said...

The tiebreaker: whichever squad has more actual New England natives on the roster at the time is the worst.

Done and done.

Anonymous said...

wow, you're a true dink. thanks for speaking for most of america, btw. you despise an entire region based on a few bad apples and rumors. "once a hotbed of racism." oh please. as if boston is any worse than any other city. and then you do everything you claim bostonians do: judge with cockiness. there are plenty of gracious fans in new england. i've yet to meet many cowboy, lakers or bulls fans who are gracious but i don't hate those cities or the fan base. who exactly is (figuratively, i know) trying to rub your face in shit? are you hanging with such losers that you can't even have a conversation about sports without such vitriol? if so, it's more a reflection of your poor judgment than the fact that new england sucks. good lord, grow up.

Not Your Average Male said...

[Anonymous] Thanks for posting anonymously. Kudos to you.

The fact that you don't know me doesn't lend itself well here. I'm a very sarcastic person. This thing is for shits & giggles. I have plenty of friends from New England and we have fun conversations about sports. They shit on Philly teams (as do I), I shit on their teams, they shit on my teams -- it's just something we do.

As for the racism stuff, I don't know it to be fact -- I just know that it's a statement commonly made by people who've been there. I know nothing about Boston except that the accent is thicker than a block of government cheese.

Sir/Madam, it is you that needs to grow up. Learn to take a joke or keep your damn mouth shut -- better yet, don't read my blogs. In my profile, I clearly state that I will ruffle feathers.. and if you have a problem with that, then I suggest you move on.

Thanks for the comment.

Not Your Average Male said...

P.S.: I love what the Celtics are doing. It's great to see those guys having fun. It's rare to see a trio with that kind of talent in the NBA. We're far removed from the days of NBA Jam: Tournament Edition.

Not Your Average Male said...

P.P.S.: What the FUCK is a dink? If you're gonna trash me, use real words. Call me a douche or something. Geez.

P.P.P.S.: In case you couldn't tell, I'm still joking.

Anonymous said...

I hate NE too. I've lived here 20 years (I grew up in the south), and the people in NE are disgusting. They love to ridicule and humiliate people. The think it's a form of humor, but it's abuse. I have to stay here another 4 years, then I'm outta here!

Bryan said...

You could be my best friend. Ive lived here for almost 23 years and I hate it too.

Anonymous said...

i hate it here too. i just moved up to boston from louisiana and I feel like I moved to another country. people are SO mean and ugly, the food is disgusting, and the weather sucks. i'm glad to know that other people feel the same way.

Anonymous said...

Ran upon this looking for Patriots and Red Sox hate sites. I agree. Having spent 6 months in New York City, I have to say that the majority (not all) people are rude, to themselves and angry. Try sparking up a conversation in New Orleans (where I'm from) and everyone is awesome. Not the case in the City. Not to hate on yankee folk but they tend to look down on anyone from the non-New England area.

Anonymous said...

seriously asshole you like pretend you've ever been to new england before. you dont even know what your talkin about motha fuckaaaaaah. bye<33333


much love from the kids in journalism class.

Not Your Average Male said...

To the last anonymous post:

a) You obviously don't know what "tongue-in-cheek" or sarcasm mean, so I'll let you slide

b) Never been to New England before? So the few months I spent in the Hartford, CT area training for my job don't count?

c) If you wrote this in journalism class, I feel terrible for your instructor. Not only did you recklessly ignore punctuation on this one, but you managed to use "your" instead of "you're" -- not to mention the lack of an apostrophe in "don't" and no attempt whatsoever to use capital letters where appropriate.

If you're failing that class, I'd like to think it was justified. Thanks for helping me prove my point, genius.

ShyFromCT said...

Hartford County sucks. This place is rife with assholes, and the worse part is--they're PROUD of it!

Anonymous said...

I grew up in the south, and New England can suck my proud, southern balls. I get shat on in a disturbing amount because people are incredibly ignorant. They talk on their high-horses about how much every one sucks. And, oh yeah, the term "Republican" is used as an insult. Also, people find it acceptable to publicly rant about how "stupid" religion is. I plan on moving to some part of the country that views itself as American first, and whatever region its from second.

Anonymous said...

i use to love new england, until i moved back recently. taxachusetts for a state thats suppose to be the most liberal in america they love making the poor poorer and most natives all act like children, im starting to think the south after years of hating living there too that they are more respectable and polite even with a republican govt. the weather here acts like a 12 year old with bipolar disorder. every one is set in their way of constant cycles of complaints and thinking their tough. i came back for the women, but any decent ones are always with scumbags, but i guess thats like the women everywhere, good OLD new england

Anonymous said...

haha dude this is wicked. i laughed hysterically. and i'm being serious when i say this is though exaggerated true. im a new englander born and raised and i got to say though i've never tied anyone to a tree.

Anonymous said...

New England is full of ignorant, rude, stuck up people who hate everyone that's not a "townie". Everything in Massachusetts is old and dirty yet for some reason they think they're ahead in time and they believe everyone else in the country lives in the caveman ages. They're just a bunch of wanna be blacks who have nothing better to do than get drunk everyday and run around causing problems. Fuck new england

Anonymous said...

I went to school in New England for a year and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I found the people to be stuffy, standoffish, and hard to relate to. I just felt weird there and did it almost feel like a foreign country sometimes as a previous commenter said(and I live in only a neighboring state.) I never had any problem talking or relating to people before I came there. Apparently, they don't like outsiders, "flatlanders" as they call them.

I've been to England and found the people friendlier.

Anonymous said...

New englanders are inbred pieces of shit

Anonymous said...

All you fuckers are just Jealous, btw how are we wanna be blacks? You're the one being racist saying black people run around and cause trouble. Go fuck yourself you fucking rednecks. All you do down south is fuck your siblings.

Anonymous said...

^LMAO Inbred "southie" alert!!! Fuck you and ur piece |of shit state.
|

Anonymous said...

Haha new England pussy! New England sucks ass... hey look at me I'm a new Englander I wear black person hats and act like a complete wigger. Lmao go fuck ur inbred new England family. Btw what state are you from? Probably wiggerville usa- Massachusetts POS

Anonymous said...

Wow you guys are all fucking idiots.

Anonymous said...

I agrree 100%... New England sucks!! I've lived near Boston for only 4 months and can't wait to get the hell out of here. It"s very expensive and ya get paid shit. To say the people have an attitude is an understatement. I'm also. Curious who taught these people how to drive... Its a death trap out on th!e roads. Yeah dude you hit the nail on the hrad..... New England sucks..

TapDancer said...

I absolutely hate New England. Lived here my whole life and am so ready to leave. I went to Arizona for grad school for 2 years but unfortunately had to come back here. Go west coast!

Anonymous said...

Nice Blog!

I was born in NE and moved back here as I didnt want to move to Florida because our nations pathetic economy. Big mistake I cant wait to move!

People out here are arrogant as hell, loud, filthy(I see men & women throwing cig. butts out windows of their Audi's).

Yes MA might have a better educated population due to the schools HOWEVER it doesnt make up for the lack of social grace and materialistic whorishness that seems predominant. People rarely let strangers into their circles EVER.

The weather sucks, not much choice for cuisine outside of Boston all you get is cheap Chinese and too much Italian and nothing in between.

Taxes is what tops the cheery on the cake. Excise tax for my old beater EVERY year + emissions + tolls + mandatory healthcare(or you get fined, Thanks Romney!) + airport tolls(just to leave Logan/are you freakin' kidding.


Its a corrput state presided by a population of do nothing whiners! Case Closed!

Anonymous said...

We are a bunch of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community.
Your web site provided us with useful information
to work on. You've done a formidable task and our entire community will be grateful to you.

Also visit my website ... wii u news

Anonymous said...

I am sure this article has touched all the internet
viewers, its really really nice post on building up new web site.


Feel free to visit my blog post ... Love Bite

Anonymous said...

Appreciate this post. Will try it out.

Also visit my blog :: Summitt Energy Solutions

Anonymous said...

An intriguing discussion is definitely worth comment. I do think that you should write
more about this subject, it might not be a taboo subject but
generally people don't talk about such topics. To the next! Kind regards!!

Also visit my webpage: high speed downloadshield.net

Anonymous said...

It's funny how all this people say how much they hate new England yet live here. Those who feel that way and still live here should leave now, the door is wide open. A lot of the opinions are stereotypes, calling new englanders " inbreds" and "snobs" is pretty snobbish too. All groups of people have good and bad eggs and that is how it is. It's a pretty good article though.

Anonymous said...

Hi my family member! I wish to say that this
article is awesome, nice written and come with almost all significant infos.
I would like to see more posts like this .

Visit my web site ... hotgirlsexcam.com

Anonymous said...

It's very effortless to find out any matter on net as compared to textbooks, as I found this post at this web page.

Visit my homepage - Www.jnmassage.info

Anonymous said...

Very great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really loved surfing around your weblog posts.
After all I will be subscribing on your rss feed and I am
hoping you write once more soon!

My blog: webcam sex

Anonymous said...

finasteride 5mg propecia online in australia - propecia side effects anger

Anonymous said...

Massachusetts is full of inbred wannabe-black wiggers. The people there are disgusting . They live in their own world where they think New England is the best. Most Massachusettsers don't ever move out of New England. They never discover the outside world. They fuck their cousins and go to heir inbred colleges and never leave. SUPER INBREDS

Anonymous said...

The people in Massachusetts aren't actually smart like they try to make people think. Anyone can tell how dumb they are and that most of the people in the colleges are from different states and different countries. Most people In New England are EXTREMELY ignorant and racist but there are a few people who are smart enough for college. If you asked a random person in Massachusetts to point to California on a map they most likely wouldn't even know where it is.

Anonymous said...

New England shitty weather shitty people, there's never sunshine. It gets warm in the summer but the sun isn't bright. The houses are old. It sucks also they are total SNOBS NEW ENGLANDERS ARE THE DUMBEST SNOBBIEST PEOPLE IN AMERICA!

Anonymous said...

I found this site after I had another horrible day living in Massivetwoshits. I have lived here for fifteen years . I was born and raised in Los Angeles , met my husband out there while he was stationed in the marines . He had , what I thought at time , a cute Boston accent . Me , being from the west coast and having an adventurous spirt , thought that it would be fun to move to New england . It was the dumbest move I have ever made . This place is horrible!! After ten years , I gave up trying to make friends here . The women here are insanely jealous , and none of them can cope with an attractive woman from Ca. I have been talked badly about ,vicious rumors spread ,and I was even jumped by four women, in a nightclub restroom . Where I come from , you see beautiful people everywhere you turn, and sometimes have to rely on your personality . If only these disgusting beasts would learn that , and also learn to be a little more feminine , stop being so loud ,trashy ,rude , work on your hygiene(a lot),and stop hanging out in front of gas stations with a butt in your mouth and and scratching tickets with your DIRTY bitten fingernails . Other than that , every thing else is pretty lousy too. Don't eat the food here (Chinese) unless you are trying to gain weight or die prematurely . Most importantly your car will rust from the weather and salt . I hate Massachusetts with all my heart ,dont come here unless you have a round trip ticket !!

Anonymous said...

New England sucks because the people suck. Very back stabbing and two faced.

Anonymous said...

I've been in New England for almost 4 yrs now. I have yet to meet any honest, down to earth friends. Everyone talks shit and gossips and I work at a huge company that hires kids. Maybe theyre in their 20's but theyre very immature. I grew up a few states south and i am very reserved after living a childhood hell. Im still a kinder person than any other person I have met here. I hate he driving, pizza, tans, tight clothes, fake personalities, etc. The only reason Im still here is because finding jobs in another state is hell. I cant wait to move back to my home state where I am respected and my opinion is not shot to hell.

Anonymous said...

I too have moved to New England assuming that the people would be similar to what I have been familiar with only 300 miles south and have found that I have made a huge mistake by relocating here.The people where i am from are simply more gracious to thier fellow American individuals in most every way, treating most everyone with more basic human respect.I will make these persons very happy when I remove my horrible self from thier wonderful presence,I am ashamed of myself for wasting my efforts and professional abilities in this area of disrespectful, rude,people.

Anonymous said...

I am from the West coast. Ive been in New England for 6 years. Every mid size company that I've worked for in New England has tried to rip me off. I say try because I continuously hounded them (one time 3 months). Leave a company on the best terms imaginable and don't be surprised when they don't try to pay you that last check that you worked for. Its happened 3 times now. On the west coast, it never happened to me except for once when I worked for a guy from Boston, in Arizona. The only honest person I worked for since living here was a total nutcase who mumbled made up words to himself all day and once got out of his work vehicle to spit his chewed up "hot wiener" (a hot dog with extra ground meat as a condiment, add "coffee milk" to complete the Rhode Island state meal) at a motorist who had cut him off. The longer I live here, the more I find myself hating people. 2015 I'm moving back west. Anyone not from here who has lived here for years hates it way more than you did merely visiting. I actually liked it, before, when I visited

Anonymous said...

Yes, New England sucks. A bunch of stiff upper lipped tight a$$ed upper crust cheap bastahds, or else a bunch of blue collar a$$ kicking judgmental harley riding dirt balls, or else a bunch of drug addicts. I hate it here. Cold cold people. I miss the south.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this!! I HATE New England with a passion. It's old, dirty, cold and the people are ridiculously idiotic. Such arrogance which is funny since they are classless and stupid for the most part.

The radio stations are even full of aholes. Matty In The Mornig is a morning radio show that people actually like for some reason. It consists of a narcissistic old man who is bitter and not funny paired with another self absorbed old man (his apparent best friend) paired with some mindless, ugly forty something year old woman who just giggles at whatever they say. That is the number one radio show in POS Boston so that should tell you something about the intelligence of people here. Sorry I ever moved here. Can't wait to get the hell out.

Anonymous said...

New York is not a New England state, it's Mid Atlantic. You did not spend 6 months in NE.

Unknown said...

I'd rather live on the East Coast than live in California where committing fraud and stealing from others is encouraged by the local government. The state has so many criminals and no room in prisons that they allow people to set up fraudulent businesses, and only make them serve about six months before releasing them and putting them on probation.The best part is that while in prison, they do not have to pay restitution.When on probation, they work on their next fraudulent project and the circle continues.I witnessed this myself. Oh and the best part is that the state keeps any of the retrieved/recovered stolen money and claims it as "evidence" even after conviction is handed down.
So forgive ne for not giving two fucks about someone from the west coast who feels they get ripped off by corps in New England when half rhe West coast breeds criminals and the government profits from criminal activity

Anonymous said...

I agree NE people deserve
nothing they have. Money
and power are temporary. Wait till they need my help. Fuck you NE

Anonymous said...

Hey Mohawk native american Aholes Money and POWER are only temporary till in life and go to hell. Arrogant, materialistic girks

Anonymous said...

Hey Everyone, Moving out of
NE for work. Thanks everyone. All your words
inspired me to leave

Anonymous said...

New England sucks because most of it consists of liberals.

GiovanniTheGreat said...

I grew up most of my life in MA out by Lowell/Billerica area. I loved it as a kid but ended up leaving when I got a little older. I now fully know why I wasnt meant to stay my whole life here.

I am mostly italian, have the heavy NE accent but just never fully had a place here..Its weird. In HS I got judged. I was seen as "too hickish" by some. In a preppy town once, I was even told by a special ed kid that nobody wore the shirt I was wearing which was an open flannel long sleeve shirt. See, I wasnt a wigger. I didnt like wiggers and the n___ that they loved making everyone think they aligned themselves with but really segregated themselves at the end of the day.

I lived in FL, CA, Oregon, PA, New Hampshire and I would say at this point that Oregon is the other place I didnt like outside of Massachusetts. Those 2. Socialist states also. I like NH better than MA and Oregon as well as Pennsylvania too. California is a tough call, FL I dont like. California in the Sacramento area was good overall I found and a little south of there.. not SF but like Vacaville or somewhere like that was pretty good.

I dont like heavy socialist states and MA is a heavy socialist state along with Oregon and some of NH too but NH is also more purple too and has some likable aspects. Being cheap though is NOT one of them even for NH.

For all the times I went down to Cape Cod though or visited my mom since shes lived there, I think its terrible. Maybe not as tense as Boston but pretty close in its own way. It feels like Northern good old boy country there or around New Bedford too. The best part of MA in my opinion, some of Chelmsford, Westford, Groton, Pepperell, Lunenburg, Townsend and even I am hesitant kind of to live in those but they're better than the Cape for damn fucking sure.

If I ever get to leave here again and get lucky enough, I am looking at Arizona and if closer to the east coast, Eastern PA if I am going where it snows. So PA and AZ are more to my liking. Maybe Kentucky depending but I will not spend my whole life in New England going forward unless its New Hampshire since its the most free.. then I can deal with but otherwise no way no how.

But yea if you want high costs, rude natives overall then by all means come back to Massachusetts. As I get older though, its not all its cracked up to be and the more places I have gone as I got older is the less I complained about the things like NE that it didnt have like oh, the food is no good here like back home.. stupid shit like that. I dont like the signature New England pizza either which is GREEK pizza where you have to try harder to find italian. Subs are good though up this way, I cant deny that and so is the ice cream. But most things about New England as I get older just are not appealing to me anymore. They just arent and this comes from someone who grew up in townie country but doesnt really like townies much. I like it more republican/independent and I can admit I am an extreme conservative, just without the bible or religion. If there was an atheist conservative, you'd be looking at him right here.