Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Not-So-Lean Cuisine

"Man kills, cooks and possibly eats girlfriend, police say"

This story was just so wrong on so many levels that I don't even know where to begin, but I just felt the need to address it -- so I'll give it the old college try.

On Saturday, January 5, 2008, a 25 year-old Texan male allegedly called 911 and advised an emergency dispatcher that he had murdered his 21 year-old girlfriend... and was BOILING her body parts at his mom's house. When the cops arrived, they stumbled upon a horrific scene right out of your favorite (not-so-scary) horror flick:
"When authorities arrived at the home, they found Shearer's mutilated body, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove and a fork sticking out of some human flesh sitting on a plate on the kitchen table."
Wow. This kind of shit happens in real life? What the fuck is wrong with this dude? To make things worse, he allegedly stabbed the boyfriend of his estranged wife a few days prior. I don't care what anybody says: people like that just don't get better... they just get lobotomized by psychiatric meds. Worse yet, I fear that all the defense will have to do is paint a picture of a mentally disturbed man (how else could you possibly commit such a heinous, atrocious crime against another human?) and get him off easy.

Normally, I'm not an "eye for an eye" kind of guy... but this dude deserves to be Kentucky-fried with all of the Colonel's secret spices and a splash of mambo sauce for good measure.

Random thought: Does it upset anyone else that he may have eaten some of her? Even if he didn't, the fact that the authorities cannot definitively rule it out as a possibility (a piece of flesh on a plate with a fork in it can raise a few eyebrows) perturbs me to a degree. I don't care to see a Hannibal Lecter copycat -- I had enough once I saw him sample Ray Liotta's frontal lobe, thank you very much.

I say throw a REALLY big book at this dude (e.g., the Encyclopedia Brittanica) and make it part of his sentence to read it word-for-word, page-for-page -- he looks like he'll die trying anyway.

1 comment:

Music Snob said...

This post reminds me of a story I heard about a few years ago where this dude in Germany placed an ad looking for someone to eat his own penis with him. Well someone actually answered and the guy who posted the ad and the dude who answered actually ate homeboys penis. Needless to say dude who had his penis chopped bled to death and due to the fact that they videotaped the whole "feast" the dude who answered the ad didn't go to jail.